This is going to be an “okay people” blog today. It’s Friday and I am feeling like sharing some thoughts. I think Pamela would approve and I know some will make her laugh (which she said she wants). So here it goes……
Okay, well not quite yet. Pamela and I often miscommunicate with each other. You would think that would not happen with two SLPs, but it happens a lot. Her stellar memory can give you more details. I can only tell you it happens a lot. I’m all vague and unspecific, but trust me it does happen. A lot.
So, here is your tutorial about how to read “okay people”. It is not “ohh kayy peopllllle” Eeyorish like. It’s not “okay people” as in people are “okay.” It is a Just Pamela, get going, said with enthusiasm and emphasis type, “okay people!”
“Okay People” # 1 This is for those not squeamish about girl terms-skip to # 3 if you are.
After our fabulous county-wide speech meeting, I had an appointment at United Memorial. My appointment happened to be with a woman and a machine named, “Salenia“. Someone at Hologic women’s health company felt that Salenia is a great name for a machine that some how can make the “girls” or more correctly each “girl” flatter than a pancake in 4 seconds. I try to crack a joke about the technician’s comment about my cleavage getting in the way, but she tells me I will be amazed at what kind of cleavage “the machine” aka “Salenia” can create. Okay….I’m saying nothing else even when you do ask me if I am okay. A nod is all I’m giving. I’m sure you’ve heard all our lame attempts at humor when facing this machine anyway. Let’s also not be distracted by that cute, girly, flower print cover on the machine plate that is supposed to “soften the squeeze”. Okay people, I’m grateful and woman kind is forever appreciative for the lives saved due to advanced medical care. Seriously, I am, but surely there has got to be a better way!!!!! I’m thinking Salenia had nothing to do with the Salenia Digital Mammography machine, but simply another man’s twisted adaptation of a machine press. Take a look and see if you would not also be saying “Okay people…. Selinia Schmelinia”. And just for the record, I’m sure that one extra little twist with the handle on the side of “Salenia” was entirely uncalled for……
“Okay People” # 2
After above mentioned event, I decide that the fairly easy pumpkin cinnamon rolls from The Pioneer Woman are just what I “need”. I head to Meijer and start grabbing the necessary, but not to be found at home ingredients and then I am out of Meijer pronto on a Friday afternoon. Just Pamela never buys things all spur of the moment. She has lists (with quantity and price), coupons, and sticks to the list and never ever deviates, ever. I’m sure there is also some kind of highlighting and organizational system also going on right within her cart! I’m guessing food may even be alphabetized. I digress.
Pumpkin Cinnamon rolls, pumpkin cinnamon rolls, pumpkin cinnamon rolls. Butter. Check. Cream Cheese. Check. Whole milk. Check. Pumpkin. Check My “girls” now hurt. Check. Cheetos on sale. BOGO. Who can resist? Peanuts for Brach’s candy corn mixture. Check. Brach’s candy corn. I’m not seeing Brach’s candy corn or pumpkins. A bit of anxiety wells up, but I’ll just go check over on the other side of the store where all the Halloween candy is hiding. After trekking a good 1/2 a mile or more, I find the Halloween candy, but still no Brach’s candy corn or pumpkins. I ask a friendly Meijer associate number 1, “Where is the Brach’s Candy Corn or pumpkins?” I get a blank stare back and then a quick, “It’s over in grocery on the end cap of 12”. “Are you sure?” I ask the man. “I only saw Meijer brand pumpkins and they are just not the same.” I think in my head……I bet you never had your “girls squeezed” in a machine press er I mean in a Salenia. He assures me the Brach’s pumpkins and/or candy corn are over by aisle 12. Off I go again. Who cares one iota about Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls? Even if they did look incredibly fabulous.
“Okay People”, I need me some Brach’s pumpkins and candy corn. I trek back a half mile to aisle 12 to discover Meijer Mellow Cream pumpkins and still no Brach’s candy corn. I ask Meijer associate number 2, if he knows where those Brach’s candy corn and/or pumpkins are? “Yes!” He tells me. I think I just heard the Hallelujiah Chorus. I wait. “Aisle 12”, he tells me. “Uh no”, I respond. “There are only Meijer Mellow Cream pumpkins and they are just not the same.” I show him, though, that I do have other Meijer products in my cart, but we just can’t be havin’ an alternative to the Brach’s candy corn. He checks in the back and tells me all they have is the individual 70 pack treat size bag and would that work? Yes, I respond. However, I think…………….. How can there be no other kind of Brach’s candy corn in this whole 100 acre store, one week before Halloween? How can one’s “girls” really get squished so flat? Will they ever be the same? I’m not as young as I used to be? Things just don’t go “back” like they used to do. I think of Salenia and decide it will be just grand to have Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls and Peanuts and my 70 packets of individually wrapped 1/4 oz Brach’s candy corn. Tonight.
Very kind Meijer Sales associate apologizes and of course I tell him no worries because in the scheme of things, there are far more important things to spend time on in the world. Such as…..
“Okay People” # 3
Leave your positive comments frequently and in large quantity, keep sending your love and funny stories, keep praying and encouraging. SLPs are a bit in love with that whole “language thing”. Blessings and immense gratitude to the best “okay people” ever……..