Yesterday was a dark day. It started out innocently enough. I was just going to check the internet (why, right?) regarding healing from my surgery and got sucked in. I then began searching this disease again because I figure there just has to be a treatment somewhere. I am still searching for man to give me answers. When will I learn? It put me in a funk. I poured out my wrath on Richard because I wanted to steal his hope too. Why should he get to be blissfully ignorant? I finally dragged myself out of bed at 1:00 to do the dishes. Not just a few dirty dishes, but a pile where there is no counter-space left. Oh, what a pity party I carried on all day, which is when I realized I had an attitude without gratitude. God says to thank him in all situations. Thank you that I have food to dirty those dishes and a beautiful family to feed. Thank you for a husband who forgives me and holds me while I bawl like a baby. Thank you that I have friends who drop everything to be with me. Thank you for a warm house on a cold day. Thank you for a job that I love and will be able to return to. Thank you that God can use this cancer for good in my life and in others. And so many more thank yous… Each night before bed I read through my bible until God lays a verse on my heart. I then look at it again in the morning to memorize it. How fitting that my devotional for today had the same verse. Here it is for all of us. Let us not forget it no matter what we are going through.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Just Pamela here. This collage picture of my colleagues makes me smile and is too good not to post. The germophobe in me is worried for all those ladies on the carpet in the superman pose. Do they realize students’ butts have been there? This is true devotion.
I cannot thank everyone enough for all of their support through this journey. It has really made a difference in coping. I realize I do not need all the answers but just need to trust in the One who does have all the answers.
I have a few more doctor appointments, and then I cannot wait to get back to my students!! A setback is only a setup for a greater comeback (Joel Osteen), so watch out Cedar Crest because I will be in full “diva” force!
Just Pamela here. I have more questions than answers after my visit to U of M. What I do know is that they are diagnosing it as vulvo-vaginal mucosal melanoma. My case will go before the multi-disciplinary board on Wednesday November 27th; however, Dr. Cha felt she had already spoken to the key players and did not feel there would be additional information. At this time there is no known clinical trial for this type of cancer that has shown promise. Dr. Cha reiterates that the best plan is to be rechecked regularly. I will be following up with a medical oncologist to evaluate some of the PET scan results due to some areas in question. I met with a genetic counselor who was very informative. We are looking into some genetic testing based on my family history. U of M’s advice is to proceed with my normal lifestyle :0). Asking for prayers for decisions regarding timing to return to work.
I have been struggling these past few days to give it all over to God. I think I am doing well and the next thing I know my mind has wandered and is trying to predict every scenario of my future. In the Jesus Calling devotional it spoke about how I always picture my future as a “twisted complicated path with branches going off in all directions.” However, I need to picture it as “a path in which a peaceful fog has settled over it, obscuring my view so I can only see a few steps in front of me”. This is God’s protection, keeping me in the present moment, and keeping me focused on Him. I am asking for prayers that I would be able to keep my focus on God and His path for me and not the doctor’s diagnosis or information on the internet.
“My Lord and My God, my hope is in you. All the rest is too much for my limited and distressed mind, and it amounts to little account anyway. I look to no one and nothing but You, and I await your guidance.” (David Jeremiah, A Bend in the Road)
Just Pamela here. So I know what you are all thinking. This diva got herself some fun new “heels”. Wrong! As much as I love my dresses and heels, I am celebrating wearing pants for the first time today. And I paired them with my “tennies” and a can-do-attitude to go for a walk/jog. I tried to get RK to drop me off on Vining Road on the way home from the grocery store. His ever-logical self said, “Mom, you are winded just walking to the car. How about we try the neighbor’s driveway on Kendaville?” It felt wonderful, especially the jogging (it still counts if it is downhill, right?), and I even tried to be thankful for the cold weather. Below is a picture for all those non-believers out there.
If you believe this to be a post lacking any real content, you will realize I have way too much time on my hands and need a real job (and the dishes in the sink don’t count).
Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”
Just Pamela here. My PET scan shows no evidence of cancer elsewhere in my body. Praise God! I had two wonderful radiology technicians this morning, one who hooked up my IV while I watched the Waltons and another who blared my Mandisa CD as he walked me through the PET / CT scan. I was especially thankful that Dr. Brader called me this afternoon with the results, considering that I was told it would take 3 to 5 days. It also gave me an opportunity to ask all my other burning questions.
I had a great encounter with a stranger while at St. Mary’s. A woman and I were the only ones waiting for CDs of our scans in a small waiting room. As we were talking, she told me how her son was born with a rare cancer 40 years ago (there were only 12 documented cases at the time) and was given a 50/50 chance of survival. He went to U of M for treatment and is alive today with no complications. I love hearing these faith stories!
Christmas came early this year to the Boomer house. My crazy Christmas friend Jennifer helped me decorate my whole house for Christmas. Why you ask? Because I have plenty of time, a willing friend, no guys at home to stop me but mostly because it brings me HAPPINESS. I knew Jennster was the one for the job as she already has up one of her 5 trees and her daughters are named Joy and Noelle. I gave her all the awful jobs, like putting the lights on and fluffing the branches, and I used the big “C” as the reason I shouldn’t have to do such tasks (and it worked!) Thank you Jennster!
Dr. Brader called and said the test was negative for the C-KIt gene, meaning I am not eligible for the Gleevec medication. We will see what U of M has up their sleeve on November 20th. The adventure continues.
“Your future is not about statistics. It is about let’s enjoy the day.” (Bernie Siegel)