Last week I developed a new symptom that was concerning and needed to be checked out with the oncologist. Yesterday, I found out it was not cancer and there was a logical explanation. But the part I want to focus on is the strides I have made in finding peace through these trials. While I have not perfected overcoming fear, I now have tools to work against it. I use to question that my faith was not strong when fear overcame me. However, several christian authors / speakers have admitted to being brought to their knees when faced with a serious illness and there is no condemnation in this. I now know that I can have strong faith in my heart even if my mind is not always aligned. In today’s Jesus Calling devotion, it states “rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way. Instead, come to Me, and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust.” This is exactly the mindset I am striving for!
I was doubly blessed yesterday when my thyroid doctor called. I have been feeling increasingly fatigued and weak over the past week but again felt it was a “mind” thing due to the the above mentioned “symptom”. Every time I would think, “I am so tired”, I would make myself say “I am full of energy and well-equipped to do all things”. It did help me accomplish some tasks around the house, but truthfully I was dreaming of my warm bed the whole time! Anyway, to the point, Dr. Borreson stated my thyroid hormone levels are off based on my blood-work and my medication dosage needs to be increased. It felt good to be validated that it was not all in my head and there was an actual physical cause. I can’t wait to go back to Lack’s and open the bathroom door. That door is soooo heavy and that is how I gauge my strength these days – the ease with which I can open that door! I just want to know who designed that dang door in a cancer center of all places!
I have met another woman from out of state through the American Cancer Society’s Survivors Network who has the same cancer as me. She has endured a lot but is two years out and going strong. She is my inspiration, and it has been wonderful to connect with someone who understands what I am going through. God just keeps providing!
1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever.