Procrastinating

I have been procrastinating with updating this blog as I don’t consider writing as my gift. However, I do want to update on my recent oncology appointment.  The appointment went well, but the time leading up to the appointment was a different story.  I now realize how unfounded my fears were and how “mental” I allowed myself to become.  For over a week I had sudden and unrelenting burning in my esophagus along with nausea.  Then I found a new suspicious area.  I was sure my days were numbered!  Well, the oncologist brought me back to reality.  He believed the spots were scar tissue, and the burning was acid reflux.  After a little Pepcid and Mylanta were prescribed, I felt like a new woman! It is a vicious cycle how physical symptoms impact my mental state and then my mental state contributes to the physical symptoms.   My next PET / CT scan is scheduled for December 29th and my follow-up appointment is scheduled in three weeks to make sure the spots (hopefully scar tissue) have not changed. Please pray that I would experience a “sound mind” prior to these appointments as well as good results.

Recently, I have been reading through my journal entries from the past year.  In one entry, I was three months out from one surgery and one month out from the second.  In the entry I was despairing over how much pain and difficulty breathing I was still experiencing. I wrote, “will I ever feel normal again?”  I continued writing about how I doubted that I would ever be able to go back to my job at school.  I ended the entry “Even though I grieve, I KNOW God is good. He is in control and I trust in Him.”  I am overwhelmed with gratitude every time I think about that entry. Today, I do not have pain, my breathing is perfect, AND I work full-time with good energy at a job I adore.  I view every day as a gift!

“God didn’t add another day in your life because you need it.  He gave it because someone out there needs you.”  (love this quote but I am not sure who said it as I saw it on a placard somewhere).

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3 thoughts on “Procrastinating

  1. Jill Gilbert says:

    Happy Holidays to your family! It is so easy to get “mental” when dealing with this disease; lucky for us we have strong support systems and great medical teams.

  2. I can relate…My mind plays those tricks too. But I quickly rely on God and remember he is in control. I tell myself my faith has to be the top thing and only think in the moment and not think ahead. I pray this for you Pamela too that the thoughts don’t take over and stay positive. “With God all things are possible” Have a great day Pamela!

  3. Janet says:

    Pamela, It was such a joy to read your entry! Have a blessed Christmas and thanks for the lovely note and thoughts about my mom. Want to go visit Laurie’s mom over break and have lunch?? Give me a call or email. Janet

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