I have delayed writing as it has been a rough week. An appointment earlier in the week put me in a funk and I attempted to advocate for myself without success. So on Friday when I began my monthly infusions of a bone strengthening medication, I was in a surly mood. My disposition was not helped when I realized the lack of privacy in the infusion room. I was so close to the man in the chair next to me that Richard could not get my IV pole out between the chairs so I could use the restroom without moving my whole chair. I realize hundreds of people have been treated in this room prior to today, so why am I the only one appalled to be able to hear and see the medical information of others? I let each personnel who had contact with me know my feelings and I later marched out of that room to get a copy of my patient rights. Yes, I was in rare form that day.
A sweet nurse came to me who handled me so well. She squatted down next to me blocking the neighbor’s view and spoke to me in a quiet voice. She listened to my concerns and offered solutions. She was so soothing that I felt myself begin to soften. While I was getting my IV inserted, Richard surprised me with a speciality tea. I began conversing with the man who was literally an arms-length away from me, and my attitude began to shift. My joyful spirit was back.
The lack of control in my care and seeing so many other people with the same disease appearing so ill took its toll on me that day. I am somewhat embarrassed of my childlike manner. While I am still not completely fine with the set-up of the situation, I pray that next time I am able to advocate for myself in a more graceful manner and that I may bring joy to that room instead of angst.
Following the appointment, Richard and I went to stay with family in the Chicago area for the weekend. We had wonderful visits but once again the side effects of the infusion limited our activities. It is hard not to get discouraged when mentally I want to do so many different activities but my body physically is not up to it. Our family members were very accommodating and we felt spoiled, blessed, and renewed by our time together.
This week on Wednesday, March 11th, I will receive one cyberknife radiation treatment to the femur. The following week the orthopedic surgeon will view the xray of my femur to guide me on my mobility. I am walking without the walker for short distances in my home now which feels liberating.
Jesus Calling Devotional for March 8th “Let Me Help You through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. The awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or walk with Me in humble dependence. Actually, this choice is continually before you, but difficulties highlight the decision-making process. So consider it all joy when you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone.”